Where is your father now?

This morning in church, the minister told the story of a young man who had found his absent father on facebook. (Or at least the man he believed was his father.)

Imagine years of pain, wondering where your father is and why he left. Not to mention, let’s admit it, our young minds would probably wonder what we had done wrong to send him away.

So the young man sent a message to the man he believed was his father.

No response.

Upset, the young man went out and did something stupid, on purpose. Something illegal (the minister did not mention what, but had spoken to the young man in jail), but, thankfully, something that did not hurt anyone.

We all sent prayers and healing to the young man. (You can, too.) May he find his way. May he find peace and love and self-acceptance and whatever he needs most.

Powering a Ghost Father

What stuck with me afterwards was this: How could you let someone have that much power over you? Especially someone who is not even there!

Though his father was nowhere to be seen, the young man created a father in his head, imagined what he would do, all the time reminding himself that this father was not there.

Then the young man allowed this imaginary father to haunt him.

Feeding your own consciousness into a thoughtform like this creates, in essence, a ghost. One you feed further, with your own energy… until it starts to feed on you.

  • This ghost distracted the young man from living his own life.
  • This ghost drove him to spend hours on the internet searching for his physical dad.
  • And this ghost prevented the young man from noticing his own father-like qualities. (What was the young man searching for? Strength? Leadership? Courage? Appreciation? Love?)

He put so much power into this ghost that he incarcerated himself with these limiting thoughts — I must find my father, something is wrong with me because I don’t have a father, etc. He limited his own freedom.

Until the young man ended up in a physical jail cell, too.

How Much Power Do You Feed Your Ghost Father?

Granted, I don’t know what it was really like for him. I grew up with a responsible father at home.

But I have seen client after client losing energy because they are feeding ghost parents. These ghost parents still nag at them, belittle them, punish them, and worse.

I have definitely fed my own. My parents are in Arizona. But they used to sit on my shoulders and say the things they always said.

Not their fault. It’s something we do. We internalize our parents’ voices, opinions, etc.

And it is something we can stop doing.


(Find a healer or check out last year’s article for one way to do this.)

Many Fatherly Blessings to You

May you come to deep peace with your father.

May you arrive at a place where it doesn’t matter how he was or what he did or didn’t do.

May you lose any parasitic ghost father you’ve created and find infinite fatherness within yourself — all you need.

May you be complete in your fatherness. And a happy Father’s Day to you.

© Daria Boissonnas 2013 All Rights Reserved. Please email us about reprint rights.

Share Your Wisdom

  • Have you suffered with an internalized parent nagging you or causing pain?
  • How have you healed your father relationship? What was particularly useful to you? Leave a reply, below!