Is the dark side of serving others holding you back?

~ Daria’s Wednesday Wisdom column ~

How can helping others hold you back? More easily and subtly than you think.

When clients come to see me, they are stuck, stuck, stuck. They can feel a healing gift bubbling inside them, but they cannot figure out what it is or how to fully let it out. One of the most common reasons they are stuck, which I just saw again this week, is that these spectacular healers are being held back by the dark side of helping others. This issue stops healing from flowing through you and all you do. It is important to recognize it and root it out.

What does it look like? The dark side of serving, healing and helping others comes in many, many forms. For this client, it was about satisfaction. (“Ah can’t get no…”) It was about making sure everyone around her was satisfied.  Family, friends, teachers, bosses — everyone.

But wait, you say, that sounds nice! It feels great to help each other out. True. And we healers have a natural tendency to nurture, comfort, and support others. We love it!!

Yet it does not help the world when you hold yourself back, when you focus ONLY on what others need, or you burn yourself out pleasing others. This client got stuck and “forgot” about her own needs. She forgot to figure out who she was and what kind of healing she could share with the world. (A hand analysis helped there, too.)

In childhood, we imprint our energy body with inner “rules” or beliefs. The trouble is, not all of these rules are accurate. They were created in the mind of a child. They may have worked when you were 7, or in that one event, but these inner rules can cause big trouble, stuckness, and unhappiness later in life.

You might have a rule that you must help others first, for example, even to the exclusion of caring for yourself. You feel lousy (guilty) when you don’t put others first, but you can burn out when you do. Sound familiar?

We unconsciously follow these inner rules for the rest of our lives (or until we reexamine and rewrite them). I often find that healers, who love love love to help others, almost always carry some kind of set of rules that say it is selfish to support and nurture ourselves and it is proper and even holy to help others.

Yes, it is a sacred duty to help others, but the Golden Rule says “treat your neighbor as yourself”… and that implies that you treat yourself gently and well, FIRST.

Hard though it is to think this way sometimes, the most important person in the world to you is… you. Think of it this way: you have been entrusted by God with the care of a powerful, wonderful human being and healer, a beautiful lightworker who happens to have your name and look exactly like you — oh, it is you!

When you care for yourself, and when YOU feel pleased and satisfied, chances are you will be walking your spiritual path, sharing your healing gifts, fulfilling your life’s purpose, and changing the world for the better. It is from this place of inner satisfaction — NOT from the place of being stuck and tired, but from the place of spiritual fulfillment and an easier happier life — you can help a lot more people to heal.

Take Two Action Steps TODAY to Serve Others Better

How are you nuruturing and supporting you? How are you pleasing you? Right now, take two steps to allow your healing gifts to flow more effectively through you.

1. Identify one area of dissatisfaction in your life. Choose an easy one for fun and a hard one for a nice challenge. Are you sick of that pile of clutter on the kitchen counter? Tired of a friend’s behavior, your own behavior, or a responsibility you don’t like? What eats at you, nags, and wears you down, sometimes with out words — can you identify it?

Write down five ways you could change that today. Then choose one of them and work on resolving it today. If you need an extra day or two, take it, but finish resolving it. Congratulations!!

2. Identify a dream or wish you would enjoy fulfilling. How would you like to help the world? What would you like to improve about your life that would allow you to become more satisfied? Write down (you guessed it) five ways you could move closer to achieving that goal. Decide to do it. Finish the first step today and calendar the rest.

Review your Seven Steps to Awakening (available free with our kit, above) for the complete set of 7 steps to changing any situation in your life. Comment and let me know what was holding you back and how it goes!